Seven Strategies for Conversation/Small Talk Success

The Thanksgiving holiday is over – but now we have Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s on the horizon.

Typically, that means parties (professional and personal) – which, in turn, means more opportunities for creating conversations.

For some of us, it is an easy task -- we like small talk, meeting new people and socializing in general. But, for others it is a chore.

It doesn’t have to be …

What are some techniques to make mingling and conversation easy and enjoyable for all parties concerned?

Here’s my list of seven strategies:

1. Whenever possible, do your “homework.” Know who is coming, and a little bit about the people. What are their interests? Where do they work? What do they do in their free time?

2. Ask questions – not to be intrusive, but to find areas of mutual interest. Be interested in what they have to say.

3.Share something about yourself – not to brag, but again, something that the others may find interesting.

4. Be comfortable with silence. You don’t need to rush the conversation.

5. Be up to date with current events and best-selling books – they make great conversation starters.

6. Look for ways to help others. That may mean introducing them to other people at the event.

7. Know when to exit the conversation. Avoid monopolizing one person for the whole event.

If you follow these seven guidelines, you not only will have great conversations and build relationships, but, perhaps more importantly, a great time!

Don’t Let the Digital World Divide: Face-to-Face Communication Still Critical

I just got back from a meeting in Tampa. Following the meeting, a group of us went to the hotel bar to continue the conversation.

Guess what happened instead?

Everyone sat “playing with” their iPhones and BlackBerrys! What little conversation there was revolved around the latest apps.

Somehow, with the need to communicate quicker, and more easily, we seem to have lost the art of the conversation.

You know … actually talking to people.

When I think of the time it takes to post a tweet on Twitter, send an e-mail, or to update a Facebook page, I also think about how many people we could have actually spoken to, if we just picked up the phone.

What’s happening in our workplace when colleagues who work next to each other end up texting instead of getting up to chat face to face?

What does that say about interpersonal communications? Is this really a way to build a relationship?

Believe me, I am a proponent of using the latest social networks -- check me out on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and Naymz – but NEVER in lieu of meeting people for coffee, or phoning someone and having a real conversation.

Business particularly is all about the connections you make – and these are much more effective when done face to face.

Reading words on a screen, even with a video and/or audio element added, is and never will be the same as having a real dialogue in person.

Many times there are subtle nuances to communication and body language that “speak” far greater than actual words. How does this non-spoken “conversation” get conveyed online?

In the search to expand our networks, I truly believe that something is being lost.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Modern-Day Networking: “Dripping” Can Solidify Relationships

Are you dripping?

Think of “dripping” as a way to keep in touch with clients and colleagues – a little bit at a time, repeatedly.

In the course of a day, many of us might meet one or several people who we want to build a relationship with – one that is mutually beneficial, win/win, and helping others.

Yet, just a meeting, whether chance or purposefully planned, isn’t enough.

That’s where the dripping starts.

Immediately after meeting someone that you want to foster a relationship with, send something to the person – an e-mail, a text, a Tweet, a note, an article.

Then, touch base again with a call or even offer to do lunch. Look for ways to help the other person. Find commonality.

As the relationship starts to build, you continue to “drip.” Your contact might be once a month, or once every other month.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” is a fallacy! When it comes to business networking and building relationships, it’s more like, “Out of sight, out of mind.”

Dripping keeps you in the mind’s eye of the other person, since you touch base on a frequent basis.

Building relationships is more important, and easier to do, than ever before.

So, just keep on dripping!

My Initial Report from NSA Convention: Relationships Rule!

I have been at the National Speakers Association (NSA) National Convention in Arizona, since July 16, and it ends today.

Whether it’s been during a board meeting (I’m a National Board Director), a keynote, a breakout session, or in the hallways, the biggest takeaway for me so far has been a reminder of the power of relationships.

You see, my goal when it comes to meetings like these is to always come back to my office with one to three things that I can immediately implement which will change my business.

This time at the NSA Convention, as good as the content has been, it can’t begin to compare with the new friends I’ve made -- and the old ones that I’ve reconnected with … relationships.

One specific highlight of this past week has been having dinner with Keith Ferrazzi, author of the best-selling books Never Eat Alone and Who’s Got Your Back. Whether in private conversation or as a dynamic speaker, his theme is always about relationships.

What are you doing to develop and nurture your relationships?

Temple Commencement Address Part II: Sell Yourself & The Value You Bring

Last week, I wrote about my upcoming Temple University speech during graduation ceremonies.

The commencement from the School of Communications & Theater is this Thursday, May 14th.

I’ve spent many hours writing and practicing my presentation.

The first point I described last week (and will deliver) was about the importance of finding/identifying both your passion and your talents.

The second key idea that I’ll share with graduates is the importance of selling yourself and the value you bring.

When selling, not only do you need to use multiple channels, but also do it in a positive way – one that projects an image of someone who is polished and professional, not that of a college undergrad.

What are these channels? I break them down into two categories:

New Age -- Using Modern Technologies

•Check Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com and any other job web sites.

•Create multiple resumes and save them as nonmodifiable PDFs or JPEGs with appropriate file names on your computer. These resumes will each focus on different, specific traits/qualifications, depending on the job/industry you are targeting. If you code them right, you can send the right one as an e-mail attachment at the drop of a hat. Remember that all of these resumes, and their accompanying cover letters, need to be proofread by someone else. You’re too close to them.

•Develop a web site which highlights your capabilities.

•Create a YouTube account, and upload a video resume

•Create a blog, or blog on others' blogs.

•Tweet on Twitter

•Use other social networking sites like LinkedIn, Myspace and Facebook.

Again, remember to clean up your act. Recruiters are using these tools, and checking you out and your digital “footprint”.

Ask yourself what virtual impressions are you creating and making with these businesspeople/potential employers?

Old-Fashioned Techniques

•Talk to people, don’t just text or e-mail them.

•Expand your real life network. It is ultimately people who hire other people.

Go to your friends’ parents and parents’ friends. Let others know what you want and what you are capable of.

Spend less time texting your friends and listening to music. Everywhere you go, make it a point to meet people -- a variety of people.

College students and business professionals need to be active in their community. Join trade groups and clubs. Consider volunteering, too. Helping others also provides great dividends.

You can’t wait to be discovered – it is up to each graduate (or professional) to sell him/herself. Be proactive, not reactive.

Next week, I will write about the third part of my commencement address – looking for, and creating, specific opportunities.

Wish me well this Thursday!

Post-Layoff Action Plan: Pick Up & Move On

I’ve been fielding many inquiries of late from members of the media – all related to stories they are doing about our business climate of increased job loss and a horrific economy – and how those who weren’t laid off can cope with the guilt of “survival.”

This week, a magazine asked me how I’d respond to this scenario: Someone calls. Mid-level executive. He's been laid off. What are the first three things you say?

Here’s my reply:

The number one thing I’d ask him is why would anyone hire him? In other words, what does he bring to the table?

The next thing I’d find out is if he has identified his skill set, his passion, and his overall objectives for any future jobs.

Lastly, I would discuss his network – can he go back to his internal, professional and/or community network, to make contact with people in these areas and tap into his connections?

Unfortunately, too often, people wait until something happens before they realize the power of building networks.

Another question the writer posed concerned the psychological effects of being laid off in a poor economy. She wanted to know whether it makes it better or worse, psychologically, if there seems to be a sense that “everyone” is getting fired.

I believe that the old adage that misery loves company doesn’t hold water. It’s one thing when everyone else is being laid off. It’s quite another when it happens to you.

Many people take it personally and go through a period of mourning and anger. Most people are scared. Depending on their financial situation, they might go into crisis mode.

This is not a time to feel sorry for yourself, although a weekend of self-pity and reflection doesn’t hurt. Then, get moving!

It is time to assess your skill set, your network, your possibilities, and then have a focused -- yet flexible -- approach to landing another position.

Being laid off can affect one’s self esteem, family relationships, financial security, and lead to “victimitis” -- feelings of having no control.

You may need to reassess your options, possibly moving, return to school, consider new certifications, starting your own business, and looking at interim or part-time positions.

Therapy is also an option if you have the insurance and/or money to do it. The worse thing that you can do is nothing.

You can combat a layoff’s effects by doing something – taking action.

I’m referring to attending networking events, job fairs, registering on career web sites, reading and responding to want ads, volunteering, contacting your own network, exercising, eating well, and renting some funny movies.

Attending a professional development seminar is a good way to meet people, get some career-related coaching and techniques for moving forward.

You may want to consider attending BRODY’s BOOST Camp.

Keep in mind, successful people look for ways to get better.

Sometimes, a setback is an opportunity to switch direction. Life must go on!

Gain a Professional Edge at BRODY Boost Camp, November 13, 2008

I just came back from Pittsburgh, PA, where I was speaking to a client about the importance of personal marketing.

In these times of “troubled waters,” the ability to sell yourself is even more critical.

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating now: It’s not just who you know, but who knows you -- and what you’re capable of doing -- that counts!

My upcoming BRODY Boost Camp on Thursday, November 13, will help attendees enhance their professionalism, persuasive speaking, and personal promotion.

There are still some seats available.

You can check out the full agenda, and register, by visiting this link on the BRODY Professional Development site: http://www.brodypro.com/site/boost_camp/Boost_camp.html.

If you have any questions, just give me a call or e-mail me at marjorie@brodypro.com.

Remember -- Your Brand is Viral, Too!

We all know about YouTube, Facebook, MySpace, and LinkedIn.

But, have you heard about Twitter? Buzzle? Blogger? Plaxo? Ecademy? Spoke? Naymz?

There’s no question that online marketing and blog web sites have exploded in recent years – a new one seems to pop into the picture every month.

More and more professionals – myself included – are taking advantage of these free sites, and creating profiles. After all, viral marketing is yet another way to get your message out there to the masses, and expanding your “brand.”

Don’t forget, however, that even online branding efforts must have a consistent message and “feel.” Whatever you do in the real world via traditional marketing materials like letterhead, business cards and your web site, must “jive” with your profiles and images on these new social networking sites, too.

Carry over any tag lines you use to viral marketing – and use the same or similar pictures, too. Sure, it’s OK to also create a more edgy look and content for your profile and diary on Twitter. After all, you don’t want to appear staid online -- the audience you will reach there is anything but.

By all means, have fun when expanding your online presence. But, just remember …. Don’t say or post anything there that you wouldn’t want your top client, prospect, or future employer, to see and read.

It’s OK to have an opinion about the latest social or political event, but ask yourself whether it’s wise to post it where millions could see it and possibly misperceive your intent.

Even e-mails between colleagues have been misinterpreted – it’s hard to truly understand one’s intent in the written vs. spoken word. Just imagine what your blog entry may be saying about you.

Your brief moment of perceived levity or sarcasm could end up costing you, big time.

Meet & Greet Others With Poise & Purpose

Earlier this year, I blogged about various strategies for networking success. But what about the art of introductions?

As I’m back from attending a National Speakers Association conference, this topic is fresh on my radar, as I met many colleagues who I haven’t seen in awhile – and whose names didn’t jump to mind -- and dozens of new people, too.

Sure, life would be much easier if everyone walked around with name badges all the time – eliminating the need to be introduced. But, that sure isn’t going to happen!

So, professionals need to master the fine art of introducing themselves and others. There are certain protocols to follow when making introductions in a business or work-related setting.

How to Introduce Others

When you’re standing with other people and are not introduced, how do you feel? Probably awkward. Some professionals who are in this situation don’t feel confident or assertive enough to introduce themselves to people they haven’t met.

Here’s where you can demonstrate your professional polish and make others feel comfortable. The proper introduction involves three steps. You always start and end by mentioning the person you want to honor.

•First mention the name of the person of greatest authority or importance. Gender or age is not the deciding factor. When a client is involved, he or she should be mentioned first.

•The second step includes saying something about the person you’re introducing to the key person and his or her full name.

•To complete the introduction, go back to the person of highest rank (customer, etc.) , state his or her full name, and say something about him or her.

This is an example of a proper business introduction – combined with all three elements: “Bill Smith, I want you to meet Pam Holland, who is our Chief Operating Officer. Pam, Bill is the Training Director at ABC Corporation, our valued client”

Here are two other pointers to remember when making an introduction or being introduced:

•It is appropriate to stand whenever possible, regardless of gender, if you are seated, before making an introduction or when you are being introduced.

•If no one is available to introduce you -- or when the person you are with forgets to do so, it is always good manners to introduce yourself.

Always have self-introduction ready to use. This should be brief, informative and memorable -- a bit like a 10-second commercial. For example: "Hello, I'm Marjorie Brody. I work with people to improve their professional impact.” This type of introduction will almost always encourage the other person to ask something like, “How do you do that?” promoting further dialogue.

In a small group setting, what should you do if you forget the name of someone you need to introduce to another person? The clever way would be to introduce the person you already know. Say, “I don’t believe you’ve met Marjorie Brody, have you?” This will almost always result in the third person saying, “No. We’ve never met. My name is Frank Black” – or words to that effect. Or, at the very least, say something like, “My name is Marjorie Brody. I don’t believe we’ve met.”

If the person doesn’t offer his or her name, you can say, “And your name is …?” or “And you are … ?”

If, however, there is no other person, and it’s just a one-on-one encounter, just say your name. Don’t assume everyone remembers you – most likely, the other person will then give his or her name, too. If not, then use some humor or admit your lack of memory by saying something like, “I’m having a senior moment. You are….?” Or, “I have totally blanked on your name – please help me!”

Oops! Now What?

What are some mistakes to avoid when making introductions or being introduced?

•Mispronouncing someone’s name

•Getting person’s title or company name wrong

•Speaking so fast that no one understands you or hears the information you’re saying

•Forgetting to shake hands or having a weak handshake

•Not making effective eye contact

•Only talking about yourself and your achievements

I once witnessed the following exchange: A manager introduced one of his employees to a client with whom he was meeting. The employee’s name was unusual. After introducing the employee with the unusual name, the manager said, “Can you believe that any mother would name a child that?” It’s important to remember that what is an unusual name for you may be perfectly normal elsewhere – and it’s poor etiquette to mention any observed differences anyway.

Meeting and greeting doesn’t have to be something you dread. If you prepare yourself and remember the advice here you’ll be a confident networking pro!

Your Handshake Can Make or Break a 1st Impression

“National Handshake Day” is this Thursday, June 26, 2008.

You may read this and laugh or think, “What will they think of next?

So, why did I create this "holiday?" Despite what many may think, handshaking is a serious topic ... since a person’s handshake can make or break a business deal -- not to mention create a horrible first impression.

Unless you’re major “germaphobes” like Howard Stern, Howie Mandel, or Donald Trump, who avoid touching anyone’s hands whenever possible, start practicing your handshake now!

Here's some general information about the handshake:

1) Handshakes have been around practically since the birth of civilization, and were originally a way to prove that you had no weapons in your hand when meeting someone new.

2) A study by the University of Iowa’s Tippie College of Business, to be published in September 2008, marked the first time researchers quantified the importance of a good handshake in job interviews. The study found that students who scored high with five trained handshake raters were also considered to be the most hireable by job interviewers from Iowa City-area businesses. The professor who coordinated the study said, “We found that the first impression begins with a handshake that sets the tone for the rest of the interview.”

3) One survey of HR professionals indicates that potential employers are MORE likely to overlook visible body piercings or tattoos than an ineffective handshake. They said they’d turn down an applicant who has a weak handshake than one with obvious body piercings or tattoos!

Let's hope you don't recognize your own handshake in this list of 10 Nightmarish Handshakes to Avoid:

1) The “macho cowboy” ... the way many businessmen like to shake hands, with men and women alike, with an almost bone-crunching clasp – what are they trying to prove, anyway? There’s no need to demonstrate your physical strength when shaking another person’s hand.

2) The wimp -- usually delivered by men afraid to “hurt the little lady” when shaking women’s hands. Modern female professionals expect their male counterparts to convey the same respect they’d show their male colleagues.

3) The “dead fish” – delivered by men and women alike, and conveys no power. While no need to revert to the #1 macho death grip, a firm clasp is more powerful than one that barely grabs the hand.

4) The “four finger” – when the person’s hand never meets your palm, and instead clasps all four fingers, crushing them together

5) The cold & clammy – when it feels like you’re shaking hands with a snake. Warm up your hand first BEFORE grabbing someone else’s.

6) The sweaty palm – what else needs to be said except “yuck!” Talcum powder to the rescue!

7) The “I’ve got you covered” grip – when the other person covers your handshake with his or her left hand as if the shake itself is secretive.

8) The “I won’t let go” – when a shake seems to go on for eternity, because the other person won’t drop his or her hand. After two or three times pumps, it’s time to let go.

9) The “southpaw”– when the person uses a left hand to shake, because he or she has a drink or food in the right hand. My advice – at cocktail parties or any social event, always carry your drink and plate with your left hand ... keeping your right one free for meet and greets.

10) The “ringed torture” – when the person’s rings hurt your hand. Try to limit the rings you wear on the right hand to only one or two, and be mindful of any rings you wear that have large stones.

Here are effective handshake guidelines, from my book Professional Impressions … Etiquette for Everyone, Every Day:

1) As you approach someone, when you are about three feet away, extend your right arm out, at a slight angle across the chest, with your thumb pointing upward.

2) Lock hands, thumb joint to thumb joint. Then, firmly clasp the other person’s hand – without any bone crushing or macho posturing.

3) Pump the other person’s hand two to three times and let go. The handshake is a lot like a kiss -- you know when it’s over!

4) Six steps for an effective meet-and-greet involving a handshake:
• Stand (men and women)
• Step or lean forward,
• Look at the eyes of the other person
• Have a pleasant or animated face
• Shake hands
• Greet the other person and repeat his or her name

The Key to Networking is Follow Up

You may do a great job of meeting and greeting people at networking events, and distributing your business cards, but what do you do when you return to work?

Proper follow up after a networking event/opportunity is critical.

Always follow up the initial contact with a brief note.

Be sure to express your appreciation if the person provided you with any information or other assistance. If not, just let the person know that you are grateful for the time he or she spent talking to you.

Once you have established a connection, find ways to keep it alive.

For example, if you see a magazine or newspaper article that might be of interest, it would be a thoughtful gesture to forward it along with a brief note. Acknowledge any awards, promotions, or positive publicity your contact receives with a congratulatory note. Call to say hello or to meet for lunch. Always look for ways to help the other person.

Remember, it is people who constitute a network. Business cards sitting in a Rolodex or names in a database can’t do anything to help you. They are just pieces of paper or words on a screen -- unless you put in the time and effort to keep the personal connection going.

If you do, the results will be more than worth it. Too often people wait until they need help before making connections. Do it when you need nothing; be willing to help others – they will definitely be there for you.

Effective networking can only enhance your career – adding new clients and, with follow up, building valuable and lasting business relationships.

Please post a comment and share a networking strategy that has worked for you. Then e-mail me --info@marjoriebrody.com -- so I know where to send your free e-book, 21st Century Pocket Guide to Proper Business Protocol.

Work a Room With Confidence

Last week I discussed how to effectively use your business card as a networking tool.

But, what if you are unsure about initiating conversations?

“Working a room” or “schmoozing” can be intimidating for many people.

“Working a room” doesn’t mean flitting from person to person, pumping hands, and aggressively handing out your business card.

It also doesn’t mean scanning the room for bigger and better opportunities when you are already in the middle of a conversation.

It simply means being alert for networking opportunities. It means keeping your eyes--and your mind -- open.

Take advantage of any offers to introduce you to people you don’t know. If you don’t receive such offers, or if there is a particular person or group of people you would like to meet, it is perfectly appropriate to ask the host for an introduction or introduce yourself.

What if you walk into a party or event and find that you don’t know anyone? First, don’t panic.

You basically have four options:

•Find the farthest out-of-the-way corner and hide there for the duration of the event. This practically guarantees you a miserable time, and no contacts.

•Stand there and hope someone comes up to you. Of course, if you choose this option, chances are you will find yourself standing alone and feeling awkward for quite a while.

•Find someone else who is alone, approach that person with a friendly smile, and introduce yourself. This is an effective strategy.

•Or, in a large group, approach a person that is in a gathering of three or more people. Two people might be engrossed in a real conversation and wouldn’t want to be disrupted.

Initiating a conversation can be relatively simple and painless -- if you prepare ahead.

Have your professional handshake and 10 second self-introduction ready. Look the person in the eye, and use one of these suggestions for opening lines: make an upbeat observation, share a pleasant self-revelation, or ask an open-ended question.

If you want to move from contact to connection, make sure you exchange business cards. Later, when you return to your home or office, note right on the card where you met the person and any pertinent information you recall about him or her.

You shouldn’t worry if your networking attempts don’t meet with success every time.

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we are going to run into people we genuinely dislike or don’t wish to see again. When this happens, the best thing to do is to cut the conversation short in a polite but firm way.

“Sorry. Gotta run” won’t cut it.

Instead, try, “It was nice meeting you, but I must be going now” or “Let me introduce you to …” or, “I promised ___ that I would talk to him ...” -- all perfectly acceptable ways to bow out.

No matter how you feel about the person, don’t forget to smile and say goodbye. Never “burn a bridge.”

Besides, the other person may be happy to make an exit, too!

The Business Card: Another Aspect of Effective Networking

Networking can occur anywhere, and it’s important that you are ready to capitalize on any such chances.

So, always carry an ample supply of your business cards with you wherever you go.

One never knows who they might run into that could be a good business contact -- whether you are in a grocery store, movie theater, plane, elevator, restaurant, conference, or the gym!

This has paid off for me, in the strangest places. One day this preparedness paid off – when I was on a skiing vacation, I gave my companion on the lift my card. It turns out she was in a position to book my services … and did!

Even if your company doesn’t print cards for you, spend some money and have a calling card – name and personal contact information – printed.

If you do make contact with someone you want to speak to again, ask for a card, then give the person yours. This way, you can make the next move.

I also like to jot down a note or two on the back of the card – where we met, what we talked about, and I want to do when I return to the office (send articles, follow up with a phone call, etc.).

If the other person doesn’t have a card, take yours and write his or her contact details on the back, crossing off your front information so you don’t accidentally give that card to someone else!

Enter all business card information in your computer database, Rolodex, or PDA as soon as you return, and, most importantly, do what you promise!

Networking Nuances

Every day businesspeople are presented with opportunities to network.

How would you rate your networking skills?

Do you cling to the wall like static electricity when you’re at a cocktail reception? Or, do you confidently move about the room, meeting and greeting new people?

Successful networkers have the ability to enter a room where they don’t know anyone, and make beneficial contacts before they leave.

The contacts you make at networking events can open doors for you throughout your career.

If you feel nervous about the idea of networking, consider this: You have already been doing it all your life, without stopping to think about it.

Everyone you have ever met is part of a network you have already constructed, and it is larger than you think. It is made up of all your friends, neighbors, social club or sports team members, your doctors, dentist, banker, your accountant and religious leader, as well as any current and former co-workers, customers and competitors. A surprising number of people are part of your personal network.

There are opportunities to network all around you, even in places you would least expect. You simply have to train yourself to channel your networking efforts into furthering your professional goals.

Always keep your eyes open for networking occasions.

Here are some opportunities for networking within an organization:

•Sporting events. If your company has any, join in. It doesn’t matter at all if you aren’t a pro. Learn as much as you can about the activity, arrive equipped, and have fun!

•Lunch. This is a great time to get to know your colleagues on a more relaxed, informal basis. Don't eat alone at your desk; if you do, you are relinquishing a good opportunity to network. Besides, everybody needs an occasional break from the office.

•Look beyond your own position or department. Volunteer to assist with company-wide events or activities. This is a great way to demonstrate your versatility and your team spirit.

•Be a volunteer. Become involved with a charitable organization or cause in your community. Donate your time, not just money. The good feeling you will get from helping others will be an extra bonus.

•Join organizations and participate actively. Naturally, it is important to join professional or trade organizations related to your career. But there are many other good opportunities as well, such as participating in programs given by your local Chamber of Commerce, or running for a place on the school board. There are social groups and groups that form around a specific interest, such as investment groups, book clubs and photography clubs. Speak up at meetings, serve on committees and attend the events.

Revisit my blog over the next few weeks, when I’ll explain more networking strategies, and how to really work a room.